Quotes from my lovely mother (storyline follows):
"What you can't spoon yourself?"
"Bebebebebebebebebe"
"My shirt!" "Your shirt?" "MY SHIRT!" "Your shirt?" "
MY SHIRT!!!!!!!"
"NO SHIT!"
Kate - "ASS!" Me - "ASS!" Kate - "ASS!" Me - "ASS!" Kate - "ASS!" Me - "ASS!" Kate - "ASS!" Me - "FUCKER!" Mom - "ARON!"
"I'd rather have a 6 inch stiffy that a 3 1/2 inch floppy."
"
Aron the moon does move....."
"OH! I have my pants on backwards. The hole isn't in the right knee."
During supper one night I looked at the serving bowl then my mom and back to to dish. I repeated this many times until my mom (thinking I wanted her to serve me) said, "What you can't spoon yourself?" I look at my sister as if saying, "Did she really just say that?" Then we both busted up laughing. Shortly after we explained to my mother what she just said she noticed the reason why I was doing that was because there was no spoon in the dish. So we couldn't
serve ourselves.
My mom "says" she can recognize birds and names them. This past summer we had a birds next in our front porch. One day a young bird was eating at our bird feeder and I asked my mom if that was one of our birds. She looks out the window and starts going "Bebebebebebebebe." I finally get her to stop and ask her what she's doing. She looks at me and tells me (as if I were a moron), "I'm asking it."
One morning while I was brushing my teeth I got toothpaste on my shirt. I looked down and shouted, "My shirt!" My mom (who is 2 rooms away) asks "Your shirt?" "MY SHIRT!" "Your shirt?" "
MY SHIRT!!!!!!!" My sister (who is in the room inbetween us) starts laughing hard. She found it hysterical.
A couple years ago my family was on our way back from a family reunion in Manton. This large furry creature crosses the highway ahead of us. My mom asks, "Is that a dog? That's a big dog." My dad replies, "No that's a bear." My mom (who never swears and yells at us if we swear) shouts "NO SHIT!"
My sister (Kate) walks past me after we got into a little fight. While she's walking past me she says "Ass." I reply "Ass." Kate - "ASS!" Me - "ASS!" Kate - "ASS!" Me - "ASS!" Kate - "ASS!" Me - "ASS!" Kate - "ASS!" Me - "FUCKER!" Mom - "ARON!"
When talking about bringing a floppy disk to school for English, my mom comments, "I'd rather have a 6 inch stiffy that a 3 1/2 inch floppy."
For an astronomy project I have to draw the moon and it's maria (dark spots of the face). I always put my paper that I'm drawing on on a clipboard and I have my mom hold a flashlight on my paper so I can see what I am drawing. In October I drew the moon about 4 times in one week then I stayed the night at someones house, then was home around 1:00 am, then had to much homework, then didn't feel like doing it, and finally forgot about it for a week or two. By this time the cloudy season started. There wasn't a clear night until November. Every time I drew in October I drew the moon around 10 o'clock and the moon was always south. This last time (in November) that I drew the moon I drew it around 7:00. This time the moon is east of us. I look up at the moon, point at it, then point were it was in the south and continued going back and forth for about a minute. I look at my mom in awe and she says, "
Aron, the moon does move." The moron whose been taking astronomy for the past 2 months forgot. I am stupid.
"OH! I have my pants on backwards. The hole isn't in the right knee."
She didn't comment on how the knee was on the back of her knee instead of the front or the fact that the tag is in the wrong spot (she was wearing sweat pants, no zipper or button.
(p.s. the 6th and 7th quotes were added after original posting so that is why it is in both the comments and my blog.)
